Women want these 10 things from men

That is the advice actress Neetu Chandra gives to men as she talks about the things men should know about women.

1. We love the way you courted us jab we met. The texts, calls, flowers, chocolates, cards, airport pick-ups, weekends away. Please don't stop this when you know you 'have us'.

2. We like security and a feeling of familiarity. Give us a chance to get to know you, before hitting on us.

3. We want to be treated as ladies. Not as unequals. We don't expect you to open every door and foot every bill, but it doesn't mean we don't find your gestures of genuine chivalry very attractive. Even the most independent woman wants to feel she is treasured and adored as an object of beauty, just as long as it doesn't go so far that the man insists on making her every decision.

4. We like to talk. This does not mean we are asking for your opinion or that we want you to magically fix all our problems. Mostly, we just need to vent. And we love it so much when you really hear us. Listen cos that's all you need to do.

5. We expect you to remember relationship landmarks. You love technology, so when we tell you our anniversary is coming, or our birthday, put it in your planner, so you remember. You remember meetings, and cricket scores, so remember birthdays, it's not that hard.

6. We love an excuse to get dressed up. Give us the chance to sizzle in our glam wardrobe. Don't get nervous if other guys look at us.

Remember we're on your arm.

7. Keep your promises. We like simple courtesies. Be on time, do whatever you said you were going to, and if things have changed, muster up the courage to tell us upfront.

8. Love for us begins in the mind. Just like you like the sensuous curves, we like the dinners, romance and dreamy conversation.

9. We also love sports, but it does not mean that it has to be the same game you play.

10. We don't want you to give up on guys nights. Believe it or not, we understand that you need space. We love our all-girl time as well.

When porn creeps in your relationship

Your partner's 'harmless' viewing habits can jeopardise your relationship, but throwing a fit without understanding will do no good either. Dr Rajan Bhonsle clears the doubts

Many think pornography has no ill effects. However, research has proved that pornography can shape attitudes and encourage behaviour that harms individuals and families. Because it is often viewed in secrecy, it creates deception in marriage, often leading to divorce. Moreover, pornography promotes the allure of adultery, prostitution and unrealistic expectations that lead to dangerous promiscuous behaviour.

Where's the love?
Some believe that if you aren't turned on by your partner, it is okay to fantasise about someone else while having sex or watching porn. While it may help superficially, the risks run deeper. You may feel excited while being 'with' your partner but not 'by' him/her. There will be sex, but no love and the former is a great barometer to know the relationship's well-being.
Turning to porn for excitement when there is an option of physical intimacy is a sign of sexual immaturity. Don't live in denial that it's for 'fun'. For such a person, sex might only be skin-deep.

Stimulant factor
Many people rely on pornography for stimulation. This is because they spend so much energy numbing themselves that they cannot 'feel' unless given a large and strong stimulation. Everyday, sex counselors come across many cases of sexual problems and resentments stemming from the use of porn.

The ugly side
Porn is a special class of 'sex addiction' that's distinct from promiscuity, compulsive masturbation, anonymous sex, paedophilia, fetishes, voyeurism etc. It can best be described as an obsessive relationship with a fantasy. For many, porn simply adds to their otherwise sexually addictive behaviour.

Pornography, like any other sex addiction, becomes the user's fix. The user becomes so enraptured, that he ends up destroying perfectly good relationships by spending hours (sometimes days) surfing porn and wasting money on it.

The stages
Dr Victor Cline, researcher and psychology professor, found a fourstep progression among many who consume pornography.
Addiction: A strong aphrodisiac effect, followed by sexual release, mostly via masturbation.
Escalation: Over time, addicts require more explicit and deviant material to meet sexual 'needs'.
Desensitisation: What was first perceived as gross, shocking and disturbing, in time becomes common and acceptable.
Acting out sexually: An increased tendency to act out behaviours that one views in pornography.

Where does it begin?
Some therapists say that pornography is simply an excuse to justify lack of control and unwillingness to conform to acceptable norms.

Other shrinks maintain that it is a 'compulsive behaviour' that has its roots in early childhood and can afflict both males and females.

It is believed that people who suffer from this disorder often come from 'dysfunctional families'.

There is evidence that a high percentage of people who experience the need to have a continuous compulsive urge to watch pornography, were physically or emotionally abused as children.

Porn and the community
The general content of pornography supports abuse and rape (supported by the myth that women enjoy forceful sex) and serves as a how-to for sex crimes. For example, in America, in the Phoenix neighborhoods where 'adult' businesses were located, the number of sex offenses was 506 per cent greater than in areas without such businesses. Dr Mary Anne Layden, director of education, University of Pennsylvania Health System pointed out, "In the 13 years of her treating sexual violence victims and perpetrators, I have not treated a single case that did not involve porn."

'I' before 'You'
External stimulations are necessary when sex is merely a physical activity. The lack of love cannot be blamed on any one. In such a case, both partners need to examine their relationship, either individually or with a counsellor. Very often, wives look down upon the husband and engage in a blame game. However, it is best to ask oneself, 'What can 'I' do to bring more depth into my relationship and turn in into something that involves more than sex?'

Top 5 facts about male condoms

Even though researchers have time and again proved that using a condom is one of the best methods of preventing unwanted pregnancies, STDs, lately the efficacy of condoms has been debated in many forums.

A healthy part of an active sexual life, there has been too much misinformation and insufficient research lurking around on the right usage, advantages and facts about condoms. Thus, in a bid to put an end to confusion and misunderstanding, we reveal to you the top 5 must-know facts about male condoms.

1. In actuality, the chances of condom failures are not more than 2%. Most of the condom failures occur because of not using them in a right way. A condom must be used over an erect penis in order to keep the sperms from entering the vagina. One must use condoms, which are made from latex, polyurethane, and polyisoprene because they help in protection against pregnancies and STIS.

2. One should not be using a condom, if they are allergic to latex.

3. Some people tend to believe that two condoms are better than one. This is not true. In fact, you tend to elevate the risk of tearing the condom because of the high level of friction.

4. Some of the most common causes of condom breakage are - lengthy or rough sex, using oil-based lubricants, anal sex, drying out of the vagina, and opening the condom package with a sharp object.

5. It is important to store condoms in a cool and dry place. This is because with extreme heat and moisture, the condom tends to become brittle and leads to extreme breakage during intercourse.

Health benefits of Amla (Indian Gooseberry)

Everyone is familiar with amla or the Indian gooseberry, it is used in a variety of products like sweets, jams, powder, pickles, while some simply like to pluck and eat them.

But are the health benefits of amla overrated? Along with Dr. Jaishree Bhattacharjee, Ayurvedic consultant with Satvikshop, we explore this popular Indian fruit.

Amla is known as a good source of vitamin C, but is that all? What are the other health benefits of the Indian gooseberry? Dr. Jaishree gives us a detailed list, "Amla has loads of benefits. It is a super food of Ayurveda due to its antioxidant property. It has beneficial effects on almost all the systems and organs of body." She explains:

-It controls blood sugar in diabetes

-Lowers cholesterol level

-It is a natural anti ageing agent for skin; nourishes scalp and hair roots and encourages hair growth

-It improves digestion and alleviates constipation

-It improves blood circulation

-It ensures proper functioning of liver.

-It is a strong immunomodulator and protects from the onset of many diseases if taken regularly

-Amla is a good hematinic as it raises hemoglobin level

She also goes on to list out other sources of vitamin C, "There are many good sources of vitamin C beside amla:

-All leafy vegetables like palak, bathua etc.

-All kind of peppers have loads of vit-c

-Fruits like mangoes, pine apple, oranges, kiwi, strawberry, berries, papaya,

-Vegetables like cauliflower, broccoli, red cabbage, etc

-Herbs like basil, mint, coriander, rosemary"

You can get these health benefits by including amla and the other vitamin C rich foods in your diet. On the other hand, if fresh produce is a problem, you can invest in some organic amla products. 



Oct 29, 2012

Watch horror movies to burn calories

Watching a scary movie for just 90 minutes could help burn as much as 113 calories, which is close to the amount burned during a half-hour walk and equivalent to a chocolate bar, a University of Westminster study has revealed.

The 1980 psychological thriller 'The Shining' was on the top of the list of calorie-burners, with the average viewer using up a whopping 184 calories.

'Jaws' took the runner-up spot, with viewers burning on average 161 calories, and 'The Exorcist' came third, with 158 calories, the Telegraph reported.

The study measured the total energy expenditure of ten different people as they watched a selection of frightening movies.

Scientists recorded their heart rate, oxygen intake and carbon dioxide output - and discovered the number of calories used increased by on average a third during the films.

The research also revealed films featuring moments designed to make viewers jump in terror are the best calorie-burners, as they cause heart rates to soar.

"Each of the ten films tested set pulses racing, sparking an increase in the heart rate of the case studies," the paper quoted Dr Richard Mackenzie, senior lecturer and specialist in cell metabolism and physiology at the University of Westminster, as saying.

"As the pulse quickens and blood pumps around the body faster, the body experiences a surge in adrenaline."

"It is this release of fast acting adrenaline, produced during short bursts of intense stress (or in this case, brought on by fear), which is known to lower the appetite, increase the Basal Metabolic Rate and ultimately burn a higher level of calories," he explained.

Helen Cowley, editor of the movie rental company LOVEFiLM - which commissioned the University of Westminster study - said: "We all know the feeling of wanting to hide behind the sofa or grab a pillow when watching scary or hair raising scenes, but this research suggests that maybe those seeking to burn some calories should keep their eyes on the screen."

The top 10 calorie-burning frightening films were:
1. The Shining: 184 calories
2. Jaws: 161 calories
3. The Exorcist: 158 calories
4. Alien: 152 calories
5. Saw: 133 calories
6. A Nightmare on Elm Street: 118 calories
7. Paranormal Activity: 111 calories
8. The Blair Witch Project: 105 calories
9. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre: 107 calories
10. [Rec]: 101 calories

Oct 29, 2012

Learn some 'Kamasutra' if you can

Here are some sex resolutions you should make to rekindle the flame.

Learn some Kama Sutra
Given that the world's oldest guide on love, sex and spirituality is our home production, we Indians should be most adept at the subject. Not the case with you? Well, the book will never go out of fashion and relevance. Plus, its sex chapters have often been plucked out and circulated on the internet, books and on DVDs. Apart from positions, it has some useful advice on behavior, kissing and touching as well. So, turn over a new leaf tonight!

Revisit old moves
If you've stopped making certain moves in bed because they've bothered you or your partner, find out exactly why it occurs and get over it. Keep in mind, though, the same goes for him/her. Also, if you think you're too 'grown up' for some moves you used to make with your college flame, a total recall would be good fun!

Make a to-do list
We're not saying stick post-its on the ceiling but you and your partner can set a rough timetable, right? Once a month, once a week, whenever suits you - it is important to make to-do list of styles, fantasies - whatever's fun.

Have more foreplay
Women still complain of insufficient foreplay when it comes to sex. Here's a fact: women who get at least 20 minutes of foreplay are 80 per cent more likely to have an orgasm. Don't let your lover be one in the remaining lot.

Add the funk
Sex has become a mechanical activity for many stressed couples. There's a way out. One of you - whoever's less stressed - can change the way you make love (at least for one night, for starters). Suggestions: Forget the ice cubes cliche, get a bottle of wine instead; play raunchy Hindi numbers, encourage dirty chatter in bed... we hope you get the drift?

Go on an adventurous date
A weekend trip to an exotic resort can just get the fun back into your sex. Sometimes, a break in monotony is just what your brain needs to get energized. Take to mountain-climbing, paragliding or simply walk down the beach. Excitement needn't always be expensive.

Overcome your fears
Is there anything you or your mate want to try but breaks into a cold sweat attempting it? There is nothing as liberating as being terrified of something and overcoming it.

Break one of your taboos
Similarly, if you've imposed any rules or taboos on yourself because of fear, lack of knowledge or social pressure, break it.

Communicate...
... and more regularly. It is perhaps the most crucial resolution for your relationship. It seems basic, but when was the last time you discussed sex with him/her? Speaking up is one of the most important ingredients of a healthy sex life. 


Oct 28, 2012

5 Sex secrets every woman must know

Here are five sex secrets that may help you understand and get even closer to your guy...

Men are full of surprises and bedroom behaviour is no exception. While it's impossible to explain all male behaviours, here are five sex secrets that may help you understand and get even closer to your guy.

He's nurses the fear that he'll let you down
Men feel tremendous pressure to perform sexually. While women aren't waiting for marriage to have sex, and that means they are far more relaxed in the bedroom. Sexually satisfied role models, like Madonna and the 'Sex and the City' sirens, encourage urban women to be open about their sexual desires and complaints. These liberated women to cause some trouble for their male partners. Suddenly, the pressure to perform is on, and he can't help but feel like he has to please you. Even though you may not be so bothered about his performance and you might forgive him for a few poor performances, he has a hard time forgiving himself. It's really tough on him.

Warning:
If your man has a recurring problem of performance, he may start to blame you to protect his ego. Be prepared to handle this situation.

What you can do:
Don't take it personally or, worse, insult him. And never laugh! Just pretend that it is no great deal for you.

Men need validation to get their groove on
Sex is a source of power from ages, and it gives proof that one is masculine. To a man, having sex means that he can move a woman, that he's energetic, a provider and a lover. Basically, your guy wants to be a superhero, and he certainly wants you to see him in that light. When he satisfies you sexually, he feels like superman. If you're enjoying yourself, let him know that. He'll love you for your compliments.

Warning
No encouragement means no fun. Whether you are enjoying yourself or not, just be encouraging.

What you can do
A good rule of thumb: Don't fake it but don't fight it. Just look happy and satisfied and that would make your man feel super.

Men don't like waiting too long
Women should never hold out to have sex simply because of the so called rules of dating. He is more likely to commit if there is a sexual component to the relationship, and it is important for him to know that you find him sexually desirable.

Warning
If your guy is offended when you initiate sex, get rid of him.

What you can do
We're all sensual beings; we might as well be who we are. So don't be afraid to make a move.

Men too are conscious about their bodies
Let's face it: Men may not worry about weight nearly as much as women do, but they do have their own image issues.

Warning
Most men are quite concerned about their general physical condition, height and baldness. In other words, they are hoping for mood lighting in the bedroom just as much as women are.

What you can do
Help your man by telling him that you find him attractive and showing him affection.

Most men will not forgive a cheating girlfriend
Men who have been betrayed, especially in the bedroom, are far less likely to forgive their partners than women in the same situation.

Warning
Men want loyalty at all cost.

What you can do
Show your loyalty not only by remaining faithful when in a committed relationship, but also by supporting your man in front of colleagues and friends and defending him when necessary. This allegiance will make your man more secure and will give him the motivation to let loose in the bedroom with you. Men want commitment just as much as women do; they just want it packaged differently.

 

 Oct 26, 2012